Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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