a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
