therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
