i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
