im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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