Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
