I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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