you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
