what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
