And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
