Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
