Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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