Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
