It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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