I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize