What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
