he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
