I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
