So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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