I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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