So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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