? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
