New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
