Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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