Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
