I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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