i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
