I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So much rum. So many feels.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Enjoy the penises
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
