thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
