Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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