Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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