it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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