I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
