dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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