One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
