well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
