I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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