When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
