Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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