I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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