you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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