Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize