Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
