Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
