don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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