just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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