woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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