your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
