Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
