im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
