I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
