I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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