Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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