i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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