if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
