was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
