Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
