I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
vagina is talking i cant
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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