Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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