Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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