Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
