I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize