youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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