I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I will die if light touches me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
