So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I deserve this hangover.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
