so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize