I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
