I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
