ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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