The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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