Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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