So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
