I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
