Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am midnight drunk by noon
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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