My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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