I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
