I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
