We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
