We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
